Getting lost and more lost.....

Hmm....dun really wanna make the house sink with sadness and depression but I can't accumulate these feelings inside my mind and my heart, and I think the only way to pour it is into this blog container. ARGGHHH!!! Yes, that made me a bit better...

I told you guys the last time that there's a way for everyone and that path is predestined....that made me think....is my fate to land a job that hard - ehm...HARD?!?!?!?!! I don't seem to recollect any good fortunes with job search ever since my youth. Working hard 30+ hours per week in my first year both as a janitor and cafeteria worker....never once I complained and I just kept on going and doing for the sake of making ends meet for the high expenses of US education....sigh....deprived of sleep, proper concentration in classes, and justified studying time, and even exhaustion at work.

That went on to the times in Iowa State...though I don't work as much there not just because of tight schedule, but also the lack of jobs....imagine a 40,000+ size university...how many on-campus jobs are there? Don't think they can provide up to that much workforce for school operation. I first got a job at one of the dorm's cafetaria....it's definitely hard work and it's draining my energies since I'm taking more classes than at the college. After that, I quit and worked in the library. However, the work was very manual labour intensive. So it also drained my energy.

One thing I really regret during my undergrad days was not getting an internship or the chance to pursue my career before going on to my post-graduate education. It somehow affected my position now. Plus the constant moving/nomadic lifestyle doesn't really suit well for my career start!

So, recently, I had my chance at an opportunity...Not too shabby...doing some HR work voluntarily (or you can say illegally!) and it doesn't seem too bad at first. But the more I think, the more my conscience and my mind start to take the better judgement of me. For those who knows me close, I might be too honest and too gullible sometimes. This can be my downfall, as my father said, but at the moment I discussed with my boss, it doesn't seem to be the wrong choice. In fact, I thought I should voice it out and see what my boss thinks? And guess what? I got the booting and a hard lesson at life, career, and people!!

Well, ever since, my mind has been manifested by random thoughts and superficial stuff. Ahhh....how I wish I could go back to the days when I was young....so innocent, so carefree, and you only need to think abt hunger, exams, and friends. When you get older, these increasingly become trivial and what comes into mind first is family, future, and finances. I blame this solely on Capitalism. It's changed human nature, and capitalist way revolves around one medium....MONEY!! Without money, one is deprived of basic needs; without money, one is deprived of sanity; without money, one is deprived of freedom, without money, one is deprived of humanity. Sad isn't it? Imagine those people in third world countries and starving, lacking in medical and nutrition needs....so why am I complaining? Because I am taught and raised in a capitalist-wary world.

What gives the right for me to worry when others have a more dire need of basic survival supplement? Nothing! and yet I can't keep these thought in my mind shut out. I think I need help, but where does it come from? Certainly my parents don't help much....I tried discussing with them earlier and though my mom is rather supportive, my father is the other way. He can't fathom my idealist thoughts, and insist his way is right. Which btw, I have followed, to very little success it so promised. So, I'm defying him and trying it out where it will land me. I hope this bet will make me richer....not in riches, but wealthy in experience, life-changing situation, and the return of my sanity.

Thanks God I have friends who are supportive, parents that are very loving and understanding, brothers that are very dependent on me, mentors that have guided me all up to this date, and associations that I have been involved in. The only thing I blame is myself because I have been indicisive, unambitious, unmotivated, and lastly being a pacifist! I thought I can make a difference but I fell quickly down to earth like Icarus (is that how you spell it?) when I am just but a small pawn in this vast earth. I need to change, but I don't know how to change, and I don't have the courage to change. I hope I get the faith and support from my friends and His Almighty in getting the real purpose and real direction in my life. I know I'm being selfish and I'm asking a lot from people, but in return I hope I can reciprocate their love with my new-found strength and courage.

Finding my place

So, I've been thinking...and thinking....and more thinking....still it got me nowhere. As I waited and spied on my comments column...I only saw 1 person and the other who attempted to fill her comments but couldn't succeed. I guess the house is rather desolate and in need of a house party! hahaha...yeah...I guess....only if I can invite more people for it.

Anyway, I am not grumbling about it. My boredom and loneliness takes up most of my day, only to vent it on disturbing my youngest brother at night and weekends. Surprisingly, he enjoys it, and it only serve to accumulating more boredom. I try to occupy my time doing exercise and hitting the gym, but I got too caught up in it that now I'm hurting my own body. It seems I can't get anything right. But I prevailed knowing that there's only better things ahead.

I think I miss being alone. Surprising eh? I have been by myself for more than half of my life, and being accustomed to that lifestyle, being back here with my family (not that I don't cherish it) kind of put myself out of place. Although I don't have any restrictions since I'm more than an adult to my parents eyes, I feel the obligation to abide by the rules, meaning no doing bad things. Late night out, crazy sleep/eating pattern, going out whenever you want. I feel like I'm being monitored even though I know I'm not. I think what bothers me is that they're more worried about me than me worried about myself. Granted that they're my parents and they're still supporting my decision, I feel the conscience in me is telling me to be filial and listen to them. After all, their sacrifices are more than what I can pay back in my life.

I feel kinda lost. The road is pointing to all directions and none are concrete. I don't have an intuition, that instinct to prance and prowl. I know my good-nature is bringing me down. I am not aggressive, nor am I passive. Being a wondering soul is good for a short moment, which I have enjoyed, but a prolonged one is eating up my mind. Despite making the assurances to them that I know my way, deep down I doubt my own self. I need to find back my confidence and hope in doing so, I find my way, my place, my purpose, and most of all, my peace...

Good Friday it is....

HA! Wishing all you poochies out there a warm Good Friday wishes....for those who celebrates, it's all still going on til the Easter Sunday....but for those who does not, like me, enjoy the long weekend! YAY!!

This time, it's a break from my soccer rants...yes I know I'm spending way too much time with football, considering the action resumes this coming mid-week, but I'm going to share other things with you guys. For those who checks out my crib for whatever reason- curious, checking how pooch is doing, what the hell he does, or those who follow my football rants, or just to steal ideas (ckckck...shame on you!)....I beg you, please drop some comments....or say hi, so that at least I know you knocked on my door and that you'd still consider me somewhere in your life. :D (I'm really looking forward to hearing your comments and maybe if it's a long-lost friend, or those anonymous ones who never holla back....I'm most certainly welcoming you to do so.)

Anywayz.....without further ado....hmm...before that...anyone feels my post is always a bit long? or long-winded? hahahaa....sorry for making it long, but I just feel when I start typing, emotions start to flow...my hands can't stop, and more and more ideas and feelings keep taking over my excitement. Thus, I hope you guys will understand why my posts are usually long.

Okay, whew....saying that much before starting can be quite annoying to some of you. Anyway, this Good Friday is quite a blessing in itself. I was preparing to wake up as early as 7 to have a ball game with my brother....what happened was that I saw him still sleeping when I woke up around 7 and I got carried away with the comfort of my mattress, and I continued on sleeping! hahaha....then at 9, I woke up to 3 smses to my cell. 2 from Sur who was asking if I'm game for watching Ice Age 2. What a coincidence.....my brother and I wanted to go catch the movie, but never had the chance since it was showing here almost 2 weeks ago! Anyway, it's also another reason to drag myself out of the house for the week. So before we left home, we were a bit late...my brother couldn't make himself part from the computer. So we were a bit late going to Plaza Singapura....and thankfully the others were late too! AHHAHAHA....Indonesian time stays valid wherever we go! :D So, I found Sur and her roomie, Lilis (dun know if I spell this rite) shopping around in BodyShop and a little while later, Cookiegal showed up. After that Yohan and Karel showed up. Quite a big group I'd say. They were all looking forward for the Ayam Panggang....hahaha...dun know what's the buzz about it but there sure was a long queue to that stall and surprisingly, all 5 of them got the same food.

To sum up the day, I'd say it was filled with lots and lots of laughter...the fast-shooting mouth of Karel with Yohan following it up, added with a little bit of pooch spice...man, our laughters were causing some commotion in the mall! hhahaha....Nice...then when we were about to decide where to watch Ice Age or what movie to watch, we ended up with going for 16 Blocks. Apparently the gals are so keen on Bruce Willis and for a man that age and having the appeal to teenagers or young ladies, I must say "hats off" to Mr. Willis. The movie starts at 4:20 while my watch was still showing 2:30. Damn...that means 2 hours wandering around. First, we were idling around a variety store....Thinking there's nowhere to go or nothing to do, we ended up in Secret Recipe for some sweet cravings! hahaa.....Let it out...all the fat jokes, all the nasty remarks....no one got offended, it was just plain, good laugh. No harm done! Other than the ones we made jokes about in Indonesian and do not understand the least bit what we talked about! pfftt....So we spent almost an entire hour in Secret Recipe and laugh our arse off....before we know it, it was time for the movie.

16 Block here we go.....the cinema wasn't that big, and there wasn't too many people watching it. Can't blame them for competing against Ice Age and some other movies. Overall I'd give it a 3 star out of 5. It's a pretty predictable plot with adequate and convincing acting by the casts. Some humor made up for the rather dull and about average action scenes. What can you expect out of a half-crippled character played by Bruce Willis? He's not the die-hard guy, but he's just a hard to kill bad-ass cop! And he's fighting against his own kind?....oopss...I might have given it away to those who might wanna catch the flick! Sorry guys.....anyway, $10 flew just like that....ahhh forgot, I paid for my brother's too, so it's $20 go flying....

Sad sad sad....so afterwards we decided to take a walk, and I was just following for a bit. My brother tagged along as well....nothing much to see, but woohoo.....I spotted an angel on the way....I call her the yellow tank-top angel from heaven....hahahaha...am I making too much out of it? Well, she's a catch, but I didn't go for it since I'll be abandoning my group....sigh.....but it still made my day and I'll be thinking of her for a few days more or until I see the next angel....hahahaha....bad poochie!! You should behave!! Don't be greedy and narcissist! hehehe....

Well, I told you, it's a good Friday after all.....good fun, good laugh, good times, and surely good moments......I'm blessed, thanks God! Maybe I'll go join for a mass for Easter Sunday.....on second thought...nahh.....AHHAHAHAHAHHA!!

Till the next post fellas....remember, lemme hear it if you read it! Woof!

God Must be Crazy....

Hmm....for those who are familiar with "God Must be Crazy", it's a good reflection to what's happened in football world. Yes, there's no relevant ties to the Africans that spells with !xasu that reads with a "click" but it's more to the way people refer to the term that football is round and yes with luck, "God Must be Crazy"! Results are not as expected (Hint: Losing the bet to INoe), and some were just unbelievably absurd.

Yes we know AC Milan got through from 2 last minute goals from Sheva and Pipo, Villareal finished off Inter, Arsenal again showed their form with their draw with Juventus at Stadio Delle Alpi, and as expected Barcelona killing off Benfica.

But this past exciting weekend was one that everyone anticipated. MU vs. Arsenal. First off, I can't understand why Henry was left to the bench, and even Reyes. The excuse was that they're rested because they are tired, but for a match against MU?? Come on....rest them when you're playing with Portsmouth or Birmingham. Or I thought, is Henry really gonna be sold and Arsene Wenger aka the Professor is showing his new "young and up-coming" new-look Arsenal? The only seniors were Pires, Gilberto (acting captain in place of Henry) and Toure? Pires is almost certain to leave, and that leaves a squad with average age of 24 or younger. Anyway, without surprise, they're no match for the pace and skills of Rooney, Ronaldo or Giggs. Even Ji-Sung can be praised for his perfomance and a rubbing salt conclusion with the second goal. Damn...I lost the bet to INoe.

What made it worse, Chelsea's match against West Ham was just ridiculous. I was ecstatic when West Ham scored the first goal of the match followed by a red-card for Maniche which left Chelsea with 10 man to play for almost 70 minutes of the remaining match. Who could've thought they'd score two in the span of 3 minutes after 10 minutes of the red-card. And then made worse, the 11-man team was made to concede two more goals!! Ahhh...what agony. Now there's more reason to hate Chelsea and to root for whichever teams that plays against Chelsea, especially the coming May match with MU! (This is about the only time I'll root for MU ever!!) and hopefully Bolton and Everton can help too.

Dang....now the only consolation for me is for Arsenal to defeat Villareal in the Champion League and for them to beat Tottenham to secure that fourth-place finish.

Ahhh....football is taking over my time here......I should be more focusing on my job search, but what the hell.....I need to get this pressure off my head....what better relief than football? Hopefully I can enjoy the World Cup.....hopefully enjoyed it with the stress of working... :D

One can only be always optimistic and appreciative of opportunities right? So....whatever comes, let it come, and when it comes, embrace it in its entirety. (HAHAHA.....Am I becoming poetic?)
As I said, the God Must be Crazy.

Gunners Glory

Poochies.....ahhh...the sports madness comes back to possess me! Watch out for the rants again....

What an amazing week for the Gunners (fyi: Those that don't follow soccer, it's the alias for Arsenal Football Club). Big wins followed by another big win. First, it was the glorifying steps of advancing in the Champions League stages. Experience is the mother of improvement and certainly an improvement they have made. The young generation has grown in confidence and stature as of late, and their unity and teamwork made it possible for the blatant results they're carving out of recent matches. Take a look....against Juventus, a club I very much supported, is played around by the younger boys. No spares of big name footballer in Juve's squad boasting Gigi Buffon, Cannavaro, Thuram, Zambrotta, Emerson, Vieira(ex-Arsenal captain), Camoranesi, Trezeguet, Ibrahimovic. Any clubs would have loved to get even one of these players. Yet, they're outshined by the likes of Fabregas (18 years), Eboue (19 years), Flamini (17 years), Reyes (21 years), Senderos (20 years). Of course, Arsenal have Thierry Henry to depend on. This one man alone can tear defences and whizz past any defender. Skills, technique, pace, intelligence, all embeded into 1 man, El Maqnifique.

Hahaha....okay, so the score read 2-0 to Arsenal's favor. Brilliant goals from Fabregas and Henry, and a superb passing and flowing football from Arsenal. Also, I have to credit the young defensive backs who have upgraded their shaky performances in the beginning of the season. Kolo Toure, being the most senior of the four, lead the way with timely and perfect tackles to deny Trezeguet and Ibrahimovic of any clear shooting chances. And so in one-week time, Juventus could be very well out of the running for the Champions League dream. Even though I am a Juventus fan first before adding Arsenal to one of my favorites, I was very much cheering for Arsenal and loving it when they won the match. Maybe winning the Cup will convince Henry to stay and lead the team as captain to the new Emirates stadium, which is a masterpiece to say the least.


New Emirates Stadium - Home of Arsenal FC starting 2006/2007 season

They followed the orchestra with another encore, a drubbing of Aston Villa to the score of 5-0. Two beautiful goals from Henry- One, latching onto a long lob, he caught the ball high with his foot, and flicked it high against the on-rushing and leaping goalkeeper, and managed to stay afloat to make it into the goal. A goal that surely contends for the goal of the year, and the second, receiving a back flick from Adebayor, he collected the ball outside the penalty box, and curled to the top right corner of the flying keeper. The score then already read 3-0. He could've scored a hat-trick for if his lob from the right penalty box near the corner flag had gone in. It was later converted into goal by Adebayor after being cleared off the line by the Aston Villa defender. My support craze was exaggerated when I was pinning hopes that Bolton loses to MU(for sure!), Tottenham loses to Newcastle (50-50), and Blackburn drawing or losing. True enough all my prayers were answered and Arsenal are more than capable of securing the fourth-place finish in the Premiership. It's for their own to miss out on the fourth place finish since the only challenging fixtures are against MU, and Tottenham, which could definitely decide the fourth-place finish being that Tottenham still leads by 2 points.

So, next will be the second leg for the Champions League Q-Final and followed by a Sunday clash with Manchester United. (Yes, INoe, MU will lose! hahaha...but I hope they win the Premiership instead of Chelsea. I'll cheer for MU when they play against Chelsea =P). So, in all, I can sense that they'll secure a fourth-place finish and move on to the next year's qualification for Champions League, hopefully contending as champions too!