Reflection

Reflection - that's a word that I am very familiar with as I grew up in a Catholic, or rather La Sallian, education system. A reflection is whereby one looks back at the actions taken and "reflect" back on implications it has on the resulting consequences.

Reflecting back on my past actions...or none taken in my case, I have been wondering, what is it I am looking forward to or what is it that I am aiming for? It's not easy in this modern world whereby materialistic needs overcome social and pyschological needs. As it goes in the pyramid of human needs, sanitary and social needs supersede all other needs or should I say wants? It is this desire that is driving humanities to greed and vice activities. Unlike those that are born with silver spoons on their tables, most of people has to pour all their sweats and blood into doing something decent to earn some proper earnings to just get by.

Thinking back on this, I am ashamed to say I have been too naive at what I do at work. Despite the importance of my role in the company, I do not think whatever I do will ever be enough or on par to anyone's expectations. Just because I am what I do, they expect it no less. It's a man eat man world after all. Even though I spent all of my time persuading my supplier with shameless tactics and bullish demeanor, my natural instinct and personality just add all that into quilty conscience ever more. And yet, I know I am not doing enough to be carrying out my responsibilities according to what is needed for this sort of field. It's like meeting a soft, considerate bully who bullies a victim with the group and yet later returns to offer help to the victims.

Anyway, after a good 3 months at my job, I have absorbed all the likes and dislikes of my job, and learn to adapt to the environment. Unfortunately, or should I say fortunately, my team are pretty much invisible and prone to being ignored by the rest of the department. This absolves us from all the persistent howls and nasty treatments that the others underservedly get. I really hope I am still very much transparent enough that this blog doesn't get recognized as a place where I rant about people at work! Hahahaa....

By the way, I read that Singapore youths and community are internet-savvy. More than half of its youths (16-24 years group) blogs or keeps some sort of online journal to rant about their daily life. And close to 40% of the older age groups does this. Even the government is trying to tap into the community with podcast and vodcast. Amazing achievement and feat for the little red dot state-country. I am not trying to be bashful, but I am imagining the attitude of the "bo chap" and kiasu citizens ranting about their dislikes about their own life and nation. I am a victim of it myself. Oh god, thinking about it is giving me goosebumps.

Well....I guess I better leave it at that. Keep my feelings personal and all what's written here to be stored here and only for people who read it in their own memories. As for my resentment, it will die down soon enough. I don't bear or hold grudges and I am sure this will pass by in no time. In the meantime, some tolerance and ruthlessness is needed more in me to survive in this fast-paced, man eat man working environment!