Finding my place

So, I've been thinking...and thinking....and more thinking....still it got me nowhere. As I waited and spied on my comments column...I only saw 1 person and the other who attempted to fill her comments but couldn't succeed. I guess the house is rather desolate and in need of a house party! hahaha...yeah...I guess....only if I can invite more people for it.

Anyway, I am not grumbling about it. My boredom and loneliness takes up most of my day, only to vent it on disturbing my youngest brother at night and weekends. Surprisingly, he enjoys it, and it only serve to accumulating more boredom. I try to occupy my time doing exercise and hitting the gym, but I got too caught up in it that now I'm hurting my own body. It seems I can't get anything right. But I prevailed knowing that there's only better things ahead.

I think I miss being alone. Surprising eh? I have been by myself for more than half of my life, and being accustomed to that lifestyle, being back here with my family (not that I don't cherish it) kind of put myself out of place. Although I don't have any restrictions since I'm more than an adult to my parents eyes, I feel the obligation to abide by the rules, meaning no doing bad things. Late night out, crazy sleep/eating pattern, going out whenever you want. I feel like I'm being monitored even though I know I'm not. I think what bothers me is that they're more worried about me than me worried about myself. Granted that they're my parents and they're still supporting my decision, I feel the conscience in me is telling me to be filial and listen to them. After all, their sacrifices are more than what I can pay back in my life.

I feel kinda lost. The road is pointing to all directions and none are concrete. I don't have an intuition, that instinct to prance and prowl. I know my good-nature is bringing me down. I am not aggressive, nor am I passive. Being a wondering soul is good for a short moment, which I have enjoyed, but a prolonged one is eating up my mind. Despite making the assurances to them that I know my way, deep down I doubt my own self. I need to find back my confidence and hope in doing so, I find my way, my place, my purpose, and most of all, my peace...